Just a few months back i was telling myself that i shud just forget about this whole family thing and just concentrate on other stuff like money, money and money. After 5 yrs of marriage and my ectopic tragedy in 2006, i felt that maybe it's just not meant to be. Like ever. Plus i was overly stressed with the fact that i'm staying at my mum's place - and she doesn't really let me forget abt that fact n so i m constantly reminded, like on a daily basis - n that my husband's a musician. Tough shit.
And suddenly one day i started throwing my guts out but of course at that time i was soo convinced that i had food poisoning. Yea, im serious about giving up on the baby thing at that time. So i told my husband; either he gave up too or he din want to give me hope, after a week of complaints of apparently bad food, he told me to go see a doctor. But that's when i suddenly decided to get a pregnancy test first. It was still about money, trust me, cos i thot hey, is it really food poisoning cos i had a very very healthy appetite, much more than usual really, just that i felt like throwing up after. So i thot, goin to the doctor would cost me RM40, at least, so why don't i get a RM10 test kit, if it's negative THEN i'd go to the doctor. Dun ask me how i thot that wud save me money but i guess it was more of me not wanting to give myself hope that i am pregnant, or maybe it was just me hoping that im wrong. I dono. Plus the fact that i'm still traumatized by my hospital stay for the ectopic case. God that was a terrifying AND painful experience.
SOooo i sneaked and got a pregnancy test at lunch time. I dono wat's up with the sneaking but i just felt like sneaking at that time ok! Anyways got home and did the test in the toilet while telling myself that im just losing my mind to stress and it's gonna turn out negative cos it's freakin food poisoning. I din even have to wait 5 minutes (that's how long it says i have to wait on the box) cos 2 lines came out instantly on my stick. And i was like blinking like an idiot in the toilet and felt a rush of happiness which instantly turned to panic cos all the mad visuals of my stay at the hospital started to appear in my head. I was like, what if it happens again?? I mean i've been reading all the articles on the internet that says women who've had ectopic pregnancy are most likely to get it again n stuff n the chances of getting pregnant is very low. Whatever it is it's all bad reviews in there. So i went psychotic and called my husband n told him the GOOD news in a frantic way that sounded like i was gonna die. I swear he prolly thot i'd gone mad. It wasn't until he got home n told me it was all ok that i started to calm down n thot hey, i vomitted din i? Everyone says if u vomitted it's all good...so i was happy! :D
Now here i am...13 weeks pregnant, at the end of my first trimester. Why din i write about it wen i first found out? Din u read?? Im like ultra paranoid!! Altho it all went well so far...i was still very worried abt my pregnancy status. Everyone says that u shudn't announce till after 3 mths cos that's wen ur really sure that everything's fine. So yeah. But i still wanna share my experience from my first trip to the doc up till now cos man...i never thot i'd experience being pregnant. And it's abso-freakin-lutely awesome :)
24th April 2008 - First Visit to the Doc
Very nervous and psychotic. My mind was filled with all the bad things that happened before. At least i din have any bleeding, i thot. My husband insisted that we go to Kelana Jaya Medical Centre cos thats where we went the last time i got pregnant and the doctor was the first to detect my ectopic, hence wrote a referral letter which led me to end up in UH Medical Centre. Dr. Fatima. Very sweet, very precise i must say. Anyways, he says we shud go back to her, which made me feel even more nervous than anything.
While waiting for my turn, and being comforted by my dear hubby, my mind wandered and i started planning how im gonna deal with the bad news, if it was gonna be a bad one that is. And how im gonna tell my boss - well i was still workin "there" like an idiot at that time rite! And then i was called in. OMG!
The doc seemed to recognize me but cudn't recall my tragedy. After flipping thru my file she suddenly remembered n started to ask me what happened the last time n i knew she was kinda anxious to see how it is now with my pregnancy but still she remained professionally calm. Thank God for that cos i swear if she flipped i wud've prolly burn the place down or sumthing. Anyways after the routine check etc we moved to the ultrasound. That's wen i really felt like turning back. Suddenly i din really wanna know. Even hubby stayed where he was and din come with us. The moment she took that thingy and propped it on my tummy she let out the biggest sigh of relief n said " Syukur Alhmdulillah! It's in the womb". I swear i cud've fainted with relief and happiness. And she told me to call hubby n i still remember him smiling excitedly, trying to figure out the blob on the screen, but i knew he was as happy as i was :)
Here's our little blob at 6 weeks (well we din know how far along i was at that time cos both the doc n i were equally paranoid plus my period was irregular so we cudn't really tell from my cycle):
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